Firsts

"He rolled over today!"

"Did you see, a tooth is slowly coming out!"

"She took him to the park and put him on the swing...he really enjoyed it!"

"He waved goodbye to the baby sitter!"

Many firsts that I have missed due to working full time. The last two occurred today and my heart actually broke a little when I heard about him on the swing.

I was taken aback. I didn't recall giving anyone permission to do that. I was supposed to take him to the park. I was supposed to record his first swing experience. That was my job. But instead of showing my disapproval, as I tend to clearly wear my emotions on my face, I just smiled, screamed and squealed for my baby boy. He responded with a beautiful smile and laughter.

And really, that  was all I needed to take away my heartache.

The REAL return. I think.

I used to love blogging and was an active user on xanga oh so many years ago (yes, like about 15 years ago). My blog was nothing more of random rants and attempts to portray life turmoil poetically. Just kidding. But really, what important thoughts could a teenager have been expressing? Gosh, those were the days of rice bunny (aka current Michelle Fawn) , the pre-selfies, pre-havingadigitalcameracuzitwasaluxury and pre-high speed internet days! Yes, dial up! Anyone remember that? I remember the times I would have battles with my mom and her love for the phone vs my love for using the internet. And success for me was measured by the speed of the little 2D AOL man, running across those three boxes with the phone static being his theme song.

As years went by, my blog posts became less and less frequent. Was it lack of time? Interest? College? Life? My friends and I attempted a collaborative blog and it was great for a while, but that also died down. Even during that period I would have difficulty finding the inspiration and patience to sit and write. 

Le old teenage blog is still around somewhere but all posts were made private many years ago. In fact, my posts were always private and only accessible to other users. I was never comfortable of putting myself out there for the world. Perhaps that is another reason why I stopped writing. *shrugs*

But fast forward about 15 years... Getting married, moving back to the east coast, having a full time career (and loving it on most days, alhamdulillah) and of course...a semi-new (8 month old) baby! 

And here I am, with perhaps the umpteenth attempt to restart again (read post from 3 months ago, lol) My purpose this time? I just want to capture moments that I will be able to share with my family and children, but mostly for my child[ren] as I'm sure my life is not cool enough for my family to care, haha.